


The Great Hondo Ohnaka and his new Not Quite As Great As His Father Yet son

by CertifiedPissWizard



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, alas, gratuitious and incorrect use of capitals, he loves his new son, his new son keeps trying to escape, hondo i dont understand vegetables ohnaka, implied qui gon punching, the amount of fun i had writing this is absurd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:40:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26345737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CertifiedPissWizard/pseuds/CertifiedPissWizard
Summary: The things he does to make the galaxy a better place- like stealing a great many things from the wealthy to grant to the less fortunate like himself and his crew and also now stealing a child to be rasied by the incredibly fortunate like himself and his crew. Truly, there is a great deal of generosity going on on Hondo’s part.
Comments: 30
Kudos: 546
Collections: Anything But Qui-Gon, Punch Qui-Gon and Adopt Obi-Wan, all my homies hate qui-gon





	The Great Hondo Ohnaka and his new Not Quite As Great As His Father Yet son

So maybe Hondo shouldn’t have kidnapped the baby jedi, but, in his defense, the baby jedi’s guardian wasn’t looking and had also been very rude to Hondo not ten minutes before. The great Hondo Ohnaka deserves far better and alway has deserved better than being called a midling nuisance of a pirate, so in the end it was very understandable why he felt the need to kidnap the baby jedi. The issue was that the baby jedi thought nobody would pay ransom for him because apparently he had betrayed the Order not one year before by leaving to fight in a war zone to help children who were fighting in said war. So, not only would Hondo not get a ransom, but clearly if he sent the kid back he would be sending the child back into an environment that thought it was alright to abandon children in war zones and then punish them for following their consience. 

So Hondo may have made a mistake in kidnapping the baby jedi because now he couldn’t send the kid back. He wasn’t prepared to be a father- much less to a kid who seems to think that the Great Hondo Ohnaka would sell them into slavery when it is well known that the Great Hondo Ohnaka does not deal in such matters. The things he does to make the galaxy a better place- like stealing a great many things from the wealthy to grant to the less fortunate like himself and his crew and also now stealing a child to be rasied by the incredibly fortunate like himself and his crew. Truly, there is a great deal of generosity going on on Hondo’s part. Now he just needs to calm the kid down so the baby jedi will both give a name and pronouns and stop trying to escape.

“The Great Hondo Ohnaka does not deal in slavery, baby jedi.”

“It’s not like you’ll get a ransom for me.” It feels like this is, perhaps, the thousandth time this conversation has occurred. Truly, Hondo’s infamous well of patience is being utilized very much.

“Just eat the kriffing food, please.” Perhaps he has been lying to himself about having an infamous well of patience, but that is beside the point. “Growing baby ex-baby jedi and now baby future pirates need to eat their vegetables.” There. Perhaps the baby future pirate will now understand that the Great Hondo Ohnaka will not sell them into slavery.

“I thought you said you don’t deal in slavery.” Perhaps Hondo’s new child is a bit on the dense side. Still, Hondo was a bit on the dense side at that age, and still his wonderful mother, who was the Pirate Queen of Florrum, had let him captain a ship around that age. Hondo grew out of such density, so clearly his new child would. After all, the ex-baby jedi is now an Ohnaka.

“You said the jedi won’t pay a ransom for you, and as I, the Great Hondo Ohnaka, do not deal in slavery, I have simply no choice but to adopt you. Eat your vegetables, baby Ohnaka.” 

“My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

“And what are your pronouns, Obi-Wan Ohnaka?” Clearly, much progress has been made. Hondo is in fact, the best kidnapper/adoptive parent the galaxy has ever and will ever see. Of course, nothing less is to be expected.

“He/Him/His. And I’m not an Ohnaka.” Perhaps more work will need to be put in with his new son, but that is beside the point of the matter. After all, when he was a child of seven like this baby human is, he was also quite difficult and occasionally denied the fact that he was an Ohnaka to his lovely mother despite the pictures of her holding his three year old self after she kidnapped him from his birth parents. It worked out for his lovely mother in the end though, as it shall work out for him.

“That is wrong, and you need to eat your vegetables. Baby humans and baby Onakas need to consume vegetables to stay healthy.”

“This is grass.” Regrettably, Hondo’s new son, the Not Quite As Great As His Father Yet Obi-Wan Ohnaka, appears to perhaps know more about vegetables than Hondo himself. 

“Isn’t that a vegetable?” Perhaps Hondo should have thought through his kidnapping/adoption of his wonderful new son Obi-Wan Ohnaka, given as how the way baby humans function is somewhat out of his range of knowledge. He will persevere, though. After all, as Hondo Ohnaka, he is skilled at a great many things, like knowing when he is not as skilled as he previously thought at one of the great many things that he is skilled at.

“No. It’s not a vegetable. Look, just send me back to the temple.” Perhaps the clear subtlety expressed by calling his new son Obi-Wan Ohnaka has left his new, somewhat dense, son with trouble understanding the fact that he has been adopted. 

“Jedi do not have parents, and as I have adopted you and am now your father you cannot be a jedi. Please just eat the rest of your food.” Finally, his son has begun to consume his food. This is going wonderfully. Now he just needs to figure out how to head off any escape attempts and deal with the ex-guardian of his wonderful son. Perhaps he should get the Not Quite As Great As His Father Yet Obi-Wan Ohnaka a pet. A womp rat would work nicely- and the spines should allow it to successfully protect his son until he’s sufficiently skilled with blasters. And since his son is the son of the Great Hondo Ohnaka, Obi-Wan should be able to take great care of it. After all, he clearly will have inherited the ability to be great at everything. 

Perhaps, he shall begin by punching the Jedi in the brig. Yes. That should do nicely. First, though, he needs to take care of his son, and he also, perhaps, needs to obtain some books on parenting baby humans. He also needs to comm his wonderful mother, the current Pirate Queen of Dantooine. She will be so excited to know that she is a grandmother. Truly, things are going wonderfully for the Ohnaka family.


End file.
